Grief poetry has a mixed term, some people are actually looking for funeral poems but get lost on the way.
So what’s the difference?
Grief poetry can be poetry which people read to bring out the grief inside, helping them to cope with the emotions that have built up. Alternatively grief poetry can be poems for people suffering from grief who are looking for the right words to say goodbye to their loved one.
Whichever one you are looking for you are in the right place.
Losing loved ones poems are incredibly moving, there are some poems dating back 200 years which still move people today, there are also some very contemporary poems which have the same effect.
Losing loved ones is always hard and there’s nothing anyone can say which makes it any easier, but it’s not about what other people say to comfort you, it’s about what you say to remember them!
Seriously, you can have the most loving family and the closest friends in the world but whatever they say will not change the way you feel about your loss. Losing loved ones poems on the other hand can bring those emotions to the surface and allow you to share your pain with others, this will help as part of the healing process.
Choosing the right poems can help in many ways, when you read some of the in loving memory poems available, you can often picture your loved one and feel that the poem could have been written for them, this is the sign of a good poem.
Many people don’t know what a eulogy is, so here is a the explanation of a eulogy:
A eulogy is somewhat like a personalized speech. It is given at a funeral as a testimonial to the life of the deceased. It is usually given by a relative or a close personal friend of the person who passed away. The eulogy is a way to share details and fond memories of a loved one that other people may not be aware of, or that they may find comforting. Giving a eulogy can be very difficult, since emotions are high when a loved one passes on.
It is perfectly acceptable to write the eulogy yourself and ask someone else to read it for you. This is a good idea if you were especially close to the deceased and do not feel you will be able to speak. On the other hand, people expect raw emotion at such a difficult time, and will certainly understand. This being the case, if you feel it is important that you give the eulogy personally, do not be embarrassed about showing emotion while delivering your speech.
It is a good idea to prepare the eulogy ahead of time, and to write down what you want to say. You may need to walk away from it for awhile, and look it over again later. It is often difficult to express yourself under such strain. If overcome with emotion, give yourself some time before attempting to finish writing the eulogy.
Once you are able to collect your thoughts on paper, you may wish to rehearse the eulogy a few times. Reading aloud will help you catch errors and notice awkward lines, giving you the opportunity to rephrase. Practicing the eulogy might also trigger another memory that you would like to add.
Bringing note cards with you to the funeral is also a good idea. It is easy to forget what you want to say when you are standing before a group of people, caught up in the sentiments of the moment. Bring tissue with you to the podium as well. The most important thing to remember is that the eulogy is your way of honoring your loved one, and what you say is far more important that how you say it.
A eulogy can also take the form of poems. Eulogy poems are personalized poems about the deceased, as I said in previous posts, you can find a poem and personalize it to the person you have lost, by doing this you create eulogy poems.
In loving memory poems are kind of confusing by definition, are you telling people how you remember the person, saying goodbye or making a tribute to their life?
This is a very important choice and one that has to be made early.
There are no set rules about the kind of in loving memory poems people use, but you need to consider this:
Are you saying goodbye? If you are then how do you say it so that it doesn’t sound final? The most upsetting part of a funeral is when someone makes a statement like “and we shall never see you again” this is just awful, you need to choose something which either leaves it open “You will be with us forever” or “Until I see your smile again” these are open ended farewells which don’t close the door at the end, they seem more positive.
Also, avoid poems which end similar to “until we meet again” this is a time of immense sorrow and the last thing the people in the funeral party need right now is to (A) think about their own mortality (they’re already doing that) and (B) it makes you sound as though you are in a rush to join your departed one, this makes them worry about leaving you on your own.
A celebration of life is always a good idea, create a eulogy about the persons life, share these memories with the people at the funeral service. Once you have shared your feelings go on to a nice poem of life rather than death.
Should you write your own poems?
I wrote a poem for my Mother In Law to put in the papers as a “in memorium” but I had written poetry before, if you have never written poems before then trust me - now isn’t the time to get started. If you do try writing in loving memory poems for someone else you may find it a lot harder than you think, you really have no idea how they want to express themselves or the feeling that they want to share. You might want to get a book of in loving memory poems and go through it with them (for support).
If the family is depending on you to come up with appropriate poems about loss of loved one, then now isn’t the time to try, you could spend days trying to find the right words and in the end you may have nothing to read at the service.
If you want to look at some poems and change them to be more specific to the person who died, that’s a great idea, but take the time to read through a lot of different ones. As you know from past experience, the first thing you choose isn’t always the right one.
There always seems to be a sense of urgency with these things, you need to find an appropriate poem, re-word it to suit, get the family approval and then show it to the person conducting the service so that they make sure that no one else will be reading the same poem (the original).
I have heard a lot of poems over the years which have been written by family members, some of them were ok but others weren’t so good, you also need to remember that if you write it down (must do) that other people can read your writing in case you’re not up to reading it (and check your spelling).
Even though I have written poetry before I think that the safest option is to find a poem which you like and use it, or adapt it to suit the person.
