Poems About Loss Of Loved One

Writing a eulogy for a friend or family member needs to be done right, I’ve decided to give you an overview of what you need to do so that it all goes well.

If you don’t know how to write a eulogy (not many people do) please make sure that you follow these points.

Firstly you need to focus: Don’t start by thinking of where you will be giving the eulogy or how many people will be there, this will only make you nervous before you even put pen to paper.

Be Alone: You can’t begin writing a eulogy with the TV/Radio playing or lots of people talking, you need silence. You need to go somewhere that you won’t be disturbed, turn out the light for 10 minutes and sit quietly. Once you’ve done this, start to think about the life of the person you are writing the eulogy about.

Start Writing: No plan at this point, just write down everything which comes into your mind. Keep doing this for some time, write down stories and memories, If you’re writing a eulogy for a friend, you don’t have to worry that some of your thought may be R Rated, you can edit these later, for now just keep writing.

Music and Pictures: Music plays a big part in my life so I remember certain occasions through the music I was listening to at the time. Have a look through some of your old track and see if this brings any flashes of inspiration, it often helps.

Put it together: Now that you’ve got all of your ideas on paper, turn them into a eulogy. Don’t worry this isn’t finished yet, once you have a draft copy of the eulogy, leave it alone for a few hours and don’t even think about it.

Edit and Polish: Now that you’ve had some time to forget about the eulogy you need to go back and read it, you will see things which need changing and rearranging. Get exact, now that you have your draft you can put more precise details in there too.

Get someone to listen: This is really important, before you read a eulogy for a friend or family member you need to try it out. I don’t mean that you have to stand in a room full of people and ask their opinions, you do however need to get an objective opinion and get proper feedback (don’t settle for someone saying “yeah that’s fine).

REMEMBER

You need to make sure that when you are writing a eulogy that you have got exact details - you will offend a lot of people if you get things wrong so Do Your Homework Properly.

Can a grief poem actually help with the grieving process? Again there are a couple of opinions about this one:

Some in loving memory poems can help your to grieve because the wording is so appropriate that it comforts you. Finding a grief poem which can comfort you is not an easy task, searching the internet for them can take weeks.

Some people that I have spoken to say that a grief poem just stirs up too many memories for them and they find that it’s too painful. Although all of the people I spoke to said that they had read a lot of grief poetry which had probably made a difference to how they had handled their loss.

My opinion is easy, if it feel right and doesn’t cause you any more pain then do it. I like to read a grief poem just to see how this could relate to someones life, I have found it hard at times but loss is hard. Some people try to move on too quickly instead of mourning or grieving the loss of their loved one which is wrong. Moving on too quickly doesn’t allow you to say goodbye properly which means that in six months or a year, you could sit their crying and not even realize why.

The reason a grief poem can help so much is because it becomes visual, the more you read it the more you can picture your loved one so they are never really gone.

If you are thinking of reading a grief poem at a funeral service, remember to make sure that it reflects your loved one and their personality, this way everyone will pick up on the love you feel, as well as the sorrow.

The best poems for funerals have to fit the person properly, some people choose a poems for the words of sentiment instead of the accuracy towards the person who died. It’s always nice to hear in loving memory poems which reflect properly, if your loved one liked to go fishing, you wouldn’t choose something which highlighted the moon and stars, you could but people close to him may be waiting for the relevance.

You do need to take the time and effort to find something which reminds people of that person as an individual. Read through poems and think of the person instead of how nice the words are, the words to many poems are very nice but you’re looking for something which stands out and reads as if it were written for them.

Don’t rush your choice, get other family members to help too, it’s helpful for the grieving process. Once you’ve found an appropriate poem, put it to one side and look for two more, this was if you change your mind you’ve got other choices.

Once you have a poem in mind, make sure that you can actually read it. The more accurate towards a person that the poem is, the harder it can be to read so you really don’t want any words which you may stumble over during the reading. Go over the poem and see if there is anything you would like to change to make it more appropriate, and then read it to someone to make sure that it makes sense.

Many poems of the best poems for funerals have been modified to suit the person, they may have been written by an obscure poet over a century ago who you’ve never heard of, but once you adapt it to suit your needs it may sound like the bast poem on the face of the earth.

Grief poetry has a mixed term, some people are actually looking for funeral poems but get lost on the way.

So what’s the difference?

Grief poetry can be poetry which people read to bring out the grief inside, helping them to cope with the emotions that have built up. Alternatively grief poetry can be poems for people suffering from grief who are looking for the right words to say goodbye to their loved one.

Whichever one you are looking for you are in the right place.

Losing loved ones poems are incredibly moving, there are some poems dating back 200 years which still move people today, there are also some very contemporary poems which have the same effect.

Losing loved ones is always hard and there’s nothing anyone can say which makes it any easier, but it’s not about what other people say to comfort you, it’s about what you say to remember them!

Seriously, you can have the most loving family and the closest friends in the world but whatever they say will not change the way you feel about your loss. Losing loved ones poems on the other hand can bring those emotions to the surface and allow you to share your pain with others, this will help as part of the healing process.

Choosing the right poems can help in many ways, when you read some of the in loving memory poems available, you can often picture your loved one and feel that the poem could have been written for them, this is the sign of a good poem.

Many people don’t know what a eulogy is, so here is a the explanation of a eulogy:

A eulogy is somewhat like a personalized speech. It is given at a funeral as a testimonial to the life of the deceased. It is usually given by a relative or a close personal friend of the person who passed away. The eulogy is a way to share details and fond memories of a loved one that other people may not be aware of, or that they may find comforting. Giving a eulogy can be very difficult, since emotions are high when a loved one passes on.

It is perfectly acceptable to write the eulogy yourself and ask someone else to read it for you. This is a good idea if you were especially close to the deceased and do not feel you will be able to speak. On the other hand, people expect raw emotion at such a difficult time, and will certainly understand. This being the case, if you feel it is important that you give the eulogy personally, do not be embarrassed about showing emotion while delivering your speech.

It is a good idea to prepare the eulogy ahead of time, and to write down what you want to say. You may need to walk away from it for awhile, and look it over again later. It is often difficult to express yourself under such strain. If overcome with emotion, give yourself some time before attempting to finish writing the eulogy.

Once you are able to collect your thoughts on paper, you may wish to rehearse the eulogy a few times. Reading aloud will help you catch errors and notice awkward lines, giving you the opportunity to rephrase. Practicing the eulogy might also trigger another memory that you would like to add.

Bringing note cards with you to the funeral is also a good idea. It is easy to forget what you want to say when you are standing before a group of people, caught up in the sentiments of the moment. Bring tissue with you to the podium as well. The most important thing to remember is that the eulogy is your way of honoring your loved one, and what you say is far more important that how you say it.

A eulogy can also take the form of poems. Eulogy poems are personalized poems about the deceased, as I said in previous posts, you can find a poem and personalize it to the person you have lost, by doing this you create eulogy poems.

In loving memory poems are kind of confusing by definition, are you telling people how you remember the person, saying goodbye or making a tribute to their life?

This is a very important choice and one that has to be made early.

There are no set rules about the kind of in loving memory poems people use, but you need to consider this:

Are you saying goodbye? If you are then how do you say it so that it doesn’t sound final? The most upsetting part of a funeral is when someone makes a statement like “and we shall never see you again” this is just awful, you need to choose something which either leaves it open “You will be with us forever” or “Until I see your smile again” these are open ended farewells which don’t close the door at the end, they seem more positive.

Also, avoid poems which end similar to “until we meet again” this is a time of immense sorrow and the last thing the people in the funeral party need right now is to (A) think about their own mortality (they’re already doing that) and (B) it makes you sound as though you are in a rush to join your departed one, this makes them worry about leaving you on your own.

A celebration of life is always a good idea, create a eulogy about the persons life, share these memories with the people at the funeral service. Once you have shared your feelings go on to a nice poem of life rather than death.

Should you write your own poems?

I wrote a poem for my Mother In Law to put in the papers as a “in memorium” but I had written poetry before, if you have never written poems before then trust me - now isn’t the time to get started. If you do try writing in loving memory poems for someone else you may find it a lot harder than you think, you really have no idea how they want to express themselves or the feeling that they want to share. You might want to get a book of in loving memory poems and go through it with them (for support).

If the family is depending on you to come up with appropriate poems about loss of loved one, then now isn’t the time to try, you could spend days trying to find the right words and in the end you may have nothing to read at the service.

If you want to look at some poems and change them to be more specific to the person who died, that’s a great idea, but take the time to read through a lot of different ones. As you know from past experience, the first thing you choose isn’t always the right one.

There always seems to be a sense of urgency with these things, you need to find an appropriate poem, re-word it to suit, get the family approval and then show it to the person conducting the service so that they make sure that no one else will be reading the same poem (the original).

I have heard a lot of poems over the years which have been written by family members, some of them were ok but others weren’t so good, you also need to remember that if you write it down (must do) that other people can read your writing in case you’re not up to reading it (and check your spelling).

Even though I have written poetry before I think that the safest option is to find a poem which you like and use it, or adapt it to suit the person.

Choosing a poems, especially “poems about loss of loved one” can be very difficult, there are so many things that we want to say, but do you make it personal or generalize it so that everyone knows what you mean?

This is a really tough choice:

When my father in law died this year, my brother in law wanted to say a poem but decided on a eulogy instead, the eulogy was very touching and moved the whole family which was pretty unusual as he’s normally a real pain.

Unfortunately the eulogy was pretty personal, things that he’d done over the years and how he had looked after and supported my brother in law and wife. This made it a little hard for people to visualize him as this person because a lot of them hadn’t met him back then.

But! Even though a number of people couldn’t relate to my brother in laws words “we call them father eulogy poems now” they all felt the love that went into writing it and knew how hard it must have been for him to read it at the service.

And where was I when he was speaking? stood right next to him for moral support. All I had to say was “Don’t rush, take a few deep breaths before you start and read slowly” that was it, he was an absolute star and he would have made his father very proud.

What makes a good poem or eulogy for a father?

You have to remember that a father is usually your role model, we all look up to our fathers for guidance and support throughout our lives. Where do you think the saying “like father like son” originated? It’s because we do tend to imitate our dad’s, this is why a eulogy or poem for the loss of a father can be so gut wrenching, it’s like our idol has died, and in all fairness - he has.

So make it special, pull out all the stops and let the whole world know what the man you idolized was like, just because he’s gone doesn’t mean that you are less proud of him.

A eulogy for a father can start about you! how you saw him, your first joint project (building a tree house) and then take this story all the way up to the present day. Drop in parts about his friends, work colleagues, hobbies, grand children (if appropriate) You really can dig around and put it all in.

This is a celebration of his life, let everyone know how your father lived and what his values taught you.

(dedicated to my brother in law Paul, I never knew you had it in you!)